TUESDAY, MARCH 6, 2001 • KUDZU HOCKEY
LEAGUE
TELLERMATE vs. AEROS
Tellermate 6 • Aeros 7
ATLANTA, GA – On a unusually chilly, windy, March evening
in Atlanta, bitter rivals, Tellermate and the Aeros, squared
off against one another in an ongoing battle for hockey supremacy.
With such grandiose stakes on the line, there air was thick
with the stench of blood, sweat, and socks that should never
be worn in back to back games.
From the opening faceoff, it became clear that this would be
a physical battle, full of checks, hooks, spears, slashes, trash
talking, and really bad "yo mama" jokes. The Aeros
got on the board first (and they were the first "through
the boards" as well), but Tellermate quickly answered.
Down 5-2, Tellermate had an offensive victory at the end of
the first half, when star Tellermate center, Greg "the
Jewish Hockey Jihad" Rolnick, won the ball and fed it back
to his defenseman, who managed to drive to the goal and fake
out the hapless keeper for Tellermate's third goal. This was
followed by another interesting Rolnick play, when he "accidentally"
took down an Aeros winger by wedging his stick blade between
the poor schmuck's skates. At the half, it was Tellermate 3,
Aeros 5, and the bounty on Rolnick's head was rumored to be
somewhere around one week of A-Rod's annual salary.
The second half saw a few more penalties and a bit of a rebound
by Tellermate. A fourth goal was notched, quickly followed by
a tripping call, forcing Tellermate to play a man down. Ever
the opportunistic offensive player, Rolnick stole the ball and
skated in one-on-one with the Aeros goalie. He could feel the
searing "Paris Sewer Tour" breath of the Aeros defenseman
on his tail, but seemingly had enough time to launch a shot
on net. That's when he claimed to have felt a push from behind,
reminiscent of Godzilla in line for an All-You-Can-Eat-Sushi-and-Helpless-Tokyo-Citizens-Bar.
Screaming obscenities on the way down, Rolnick was ready for
his chance at a penalty shot. But that was not to be. In the
"Ain't it Ironic" Hockey department, the ref did not
see the flagrant violation of the Geneva convention, for he
was busy chatting with the Tellermate player in the penalty
box. Oh, the humanity.
But Rolnick sought revenge, and on an ensuing play, scored on
a beautiful top-shelf-wrap-around goal, thus tying the game
at five.
Back and forth it went, with plenty of pushing and shoving,
but at the final buzzer, the Aeros squeaked out a one-goal margin
for victory (7-6). The frustration was evident on the faces
of Tellermate's players, as well as the fresh blood of one of
their wingers-- clipped in the face by an Aeros stick.
Until next week... |