greg rolnick
writer • promoter • hockey player


“TA-TONKA! TELLERMATE WINS!”

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2001 • KUDZU HOCKEY LEAGUE
TELLERMATE vs. BUFFALOES

Tellermate 6 • Buffaloes 5

ATLANTA, GA -- Inspired by the pleas of Tellermate Superfan #24518 (Ms. Sandra Moore of Boston, MA) for a victory report, team Tellermate stepped up last night and delivered. But it didn't come easy.

The last time these two teams met, the evening ended in an overtime shootout (that left Tellermate a wee bit disappointed). With that bitter memory in mind, Tellermate brought an intensity to the opening half of the game not seen since the days of Eddie Shore (or maybe the Hanson Brothers).

The game was scoreless for the first four or five minutes, but then star Tellermate center, Greg "Skates Like an Epileptic Ice Queen" Rolnick took matters into his own hands. Using his patented, "draw the dumb defender towards the corner" technique, he fired a bouncy pass across the middle to his winger, who quickly controlled the ball and shot it home. After the initial score, Tellermate broke out to a 3-0 lead going into the second half.

Feeling perhaps a bit too cocky, Tellermate made some defensive mistakes and allowed the scrappy Buffaloes to get back into the game. A four-goal run brought the score to 5-4, and with two minutes left in the game, the Buffaloes used some sort of Jedi-mind trick and snuck one past the sagging Tellermate defensive line. Faced with the possibility of an incredibly unlikely and embarrassing loss, Rolnick was quite clear as he bellowed from the bench: "For Christs' sake! Just hurt somebody!!!" "And score," quipped his bench mate. "Yeah! That too!" echoed Rolnick.

And they did.

Taking advantage of the Buffaloes goalie's tendency to come waaaaaaay out of the net on a breakaway, Todd "the Mighty Eskimo" Quinn, deked left, feigned right, forced the goalie to dive (somewhere around ten feet in front of the crease), then skated around him and pushed the ball into the net. And the rest, as they say, is history...

With the almost unbeknown feeling of victory in their collective psyches, team Tellermate looks to keep the streak going this coming Tuesday.

So STAY TUNED!!!

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