WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2001
SPORTS MONSTER FLOOR HOCKEY
GYM RATS vs. HANSON'S HOODLUMS
Gym Rats 9 • Hanson's Hoodlums 6
CHICAGO, IL – The original plan was for the Gym Rats
to show up and play in costume, but the KISS makeup idea was
deemed unsuitable when sweaty. Instead they simply showed
up and MMMbopped Hanson's Hoodlums repeatedly in a satisfying
9-6 victory.
Star Gym Rats center, Greg "Come Mr. Taliban, hand over
Bin Laden" Rolnick, awoke from his offensive coma and
posted record numbers for the evening. When it was all said
and done, he had score 5 goals and notched 2 assists. But
"what about the other 2 Gym Rats goals," you ask?
Well, Rolnick was on the bench for those...
It is believed by this intrepid reporter that Rolnick's offensive
awakening stemmed from the Gym Rats decision to change goalies
for the match. When the substitute keeper stepped into the
net for the pre-game shoot around, and proceed to stop one
out of every 50 shots, Rolnick felt like a Braves fan in October
(which, come to think of it, he is).
The game began on a positive note, however, as Rolnick won
the opening faceoff and quickly passed the ball to his winger
who launched a rocket of a slap shot past the befuddled keeper.
About a minute later, Rolnick wove the ball in and out of
the Hoodlum's hapless defenders and deposited the ball behind
the perplexed net minder for point number three.
The most impressive aspect of the first half was the surprisingly
solid play of the Gym Rats goaltender. Battling an overwhelming
desire to get really cocky, the Gym Rats went into the half
with a 6-1 lead.
The second half began well, as Rolnick took the opening faceoff
in for another goal (his fourth of the game) in a league record
time of 6.28 seconds. But the rest of the half saw the Gym
Rats playing sloppy defense and allowing the Hoodlums to crawl
back into the action.
Rolnick’s girlfriend made a critical mistake late in
the game when she accidentally assisted the Hoodlum's by feeding
their sniper a perfect pass in the slot (which he quickly
one-timed into the back of the net). Adding injury to insult,
she was later beaned by an errant ball in her ear (which came
flying out of her own bench, but that's a story for another
time).
Try as they may, the Hoodlum's goon tactics weren't enough
to steal a victory this Halloween (for that, one must look
to a certain Yankees baseball team of NYC).
With an evened-out record of 2-2-1, the Gym Rats look to make
the most of their next two games before the playoffs.
So STAY TUNED!