SUNDAY, MARCH 11, 2007
HNA TIER 3 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
LOS PHANTASMOS vs. BARBARIANS
Los Phantasmos 4 – Barbarians 5 (OT)
BENSENVILLE, IL – The Barbarians earned an extra point
against Los Phantasmos with a game-winning goal in the final
seconds of overtime. To make matters worse, star winger, Josh
“Don’t Even Think About It” Tallo’s
sister was in attendance, and the team’s loss only helped
add to the verbal barb arsenal for the next Tallo family gathering.
Tallo did manage to put up a shorthanded goal during the game,
as did Craig “The Livid Litigator” Sonnenschein
(who also had an even strength goal). The fourth goal came
from one of Los Phantasmos’ premiere “grinders,”
Bo “Hoagie Heaven” Coonce. Coonce took a beautiful
drop pass from Jeremy “Summer” Campbell, and fired
the puck past the screened Barbarians goalie.
However, Los Phantasmos couldn’t seem to get any sustained
pressure going, and the Barbarians refused to go quietly into
that good locker room.
Perhaps it was his shiny new, won’t-fit-in-the-trunk,
ginormous hockey bag that had alternate captain, Jay “I
Hate You All” Smith worked up into a frenzy, but he
enthusiastically unloaded a profanity-filled tirade on one
of the referees late in the game.
One of the Barbarians got crafty and stopped a Phantasmos
rush into the offensive zone, by pushing Sean “That
Can’t Be Legal” Tang from behind and forcing him
to slide in ahead of the play. When the referee blew his whistle
and called Los Phantasmos offsides, Smith erupted from the
bench (and to his credit, he wasn’t alone in his bellowing).
The irritated zebra turned to Greg “Who, Me?”
Rolnick and demanded to know if he was the captain. Their
exchange went something like this:
REFEREE: “You the captain here?”
ROLNICK: “Um, yeah.”
REFEREE: “Well, tell your bench to shut up or I’m
gonna start throwing people in the box!”
ROLNICK: [to bench] “Hey, guys! Shut the $%@# up! [to
referee] You know, my guy was pushed across the line there…”
REFEREE: “Don’t test me, Nine!”
ROLNICK: [under his breath] “If a train leaves Poughkeepsie
at 5:15pm traveling 150 miles an hour, and another train leaves
Cuyahoga Falls at 6:30pm…”
The game was knotted at four when the final buzzer sounded
to bring on the overtime session.
After one or two solid rushes that were denied by the Barbarians
defense, Los Phantasmos oddly decided that with less than
a minute left in OT, the game was already over. Consequently,
they gave up an odd man rush in the final seconds that the
Barbarians took advantage of for the game winner.
GAME NOTES: Los Phantasmos out shot the Barbarians 34-23,
but couldn’t squeeze enough shots past their en fuego
goaltender; LP went 0 for 5 on the PP and 4 for 4 on the PK;
The team took some time before the match to pose for the semi-annual
Los Phantasmos team swimsuit calendar. Proceeds from sales
of the calendar will go towards a local charity for the blind
(possibly resulting from looking at said calendars). Make
sure to check out David “IR” Deacon, aka “Mr.
July” in his Borat-inspired neon green Speedo number!