SUNDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2006
HNA TIER 3 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
PHANTASMOS vs. MEATWADS
Phantasmos 3 – Meatwads 2
BENSENVILLE, IL – Do you smell that? No, not the funk
of a locker room full of hockey bags – I’m referring
to the sweet scent of a fresh sheet of ice at the start of
a new season. Coming off of a championship winning summer
season, the Phantoms have found themselves flush with success
and players. Consequently, the team management has decided
to form two squads to play this fall/winter. While utilizing
a core group of around ten players, each team has five individuals
unique to that squad. While “The Phantoms” are
playing in Tier 4 (and having their games recapped by Mr.
Vanadilok), “Los Phantasmos de Chicago” are playing
in Tier 3 (and having their exploits exaggerated and manipulated,
before being regurgitated, by Mr. Rolnick).
Los Phantasmos took to the ice for their first game this past
Sunday, and faced an entirely new opponent: The Meatwads.
Let’s all pause and admire the world of beer league
hockey team names. Now, as any team that comes up through
HNA beginner school has their name picked for them, and is
not immune from the indignity of hearing, “I’m
sorry, your team is called what?,” these guys actually
gave themselves this moniker. Of course as I pointed out to
one of the aforementioned Meatwads before the game, “Well,
it’s catchy, but it’s no ‘Legion of Goon.’”
The other pre-game item of note came when the two teams who
played on the rink before the match skated off and commented
on the new NHL rule system being implemented by HNA and USA
Hockey. Apparently, the whistling during the game became so
prevalent that players began wondering if they were in an
aviary, or perhaps a whistle testing facility.
The warnings proved to be true, as both teams racked up seven
penalties a piece, often for infractions that only the referees
could see. Basically, the new rules limit contact in such
a way that it was not uncommon for players to hold their breath
when digging out a puck in the corner, lest they breathe too
heavily on their counterparts.
Name and new rules be damned, the Meatwads proved to be a
tough match for Los Phantasmos, and the game was tightly played
from start to finish.
The good guys got on the board first, when recently acquired
winger, Josh “For He’s A Jolly Good” Tallo,
slipped a quick pass to Greg “Grammar Be Damned”
Rolnick, who was racing up to the Meatwads blueline. Rolnick
broke in alone and tried to fake the goalie and shoot stick
side. The shot was unfortunately turned away, but Tallo had
been following the play and was quick to jam in the rebound,
scoring not only the first goal of the game, but his first
as an “official” Phantasmos.
The Meatwads answered back when stellar Phantasmos netminder,
AJ “Ole” Brandt, made an initial save, but couldn’t
corral the rebound. A Meatwad, sitting alone in the slot,
was able to shoot the puck in before anyone could react in
time.
In the second period, the Phantasmos pulled ahead on a beauty
of a goal by their new center (and summer points leader),
Ross “Bobby Boucher” Gerbasi. After taking a nice
feed from Tedd “Fists Of Fury” Vanadilok, Tallo
went streaking into the Meatwads zone. He passed over to Gerbasi,
who pulled up parallel to the net, and somehow roofed a wrist
shot past the goalie’s glove.
The rest of the period, much like the first, saw Los Phantasmos
killing off penalties and attempting to keep the Meatwads
out of their zone. The defensive foursome of Vanadilok, Dan
“3 Wood” Phillips, Scott “Ready For”
Battle, and Jay “Big Papi Needs Some More Sleep”
Smith, did an admirable job of helping Brandt, keep the puck
out of the net.
The third period was dominated by the Meatwads, who out shot
Los Phantasmos by a 12-4 margin. The Meatwads also managed
to even the score at two due to a freakish defensive breakdown.
The puck bounced off of the back boards, and Brandt hugged
the post to close the gap. Unfortunately, he thought the puck
was on his skate and froze, so as not to let it slip in. The
harsh truth, however, was that the puck was still loose, and
an opportunistic Meatwad jumped in to slam it home.
With mere minutes remaining in the third period, Rolnick changed
up the lines and replaced himself with returning superstar,
Jeremy “The Prodigal Bassist” Campbell, who had
been toiling away for another team before realizing his folly
and returning to the Phantasmos fold.
Gerbasi won the faceoff in the Meatwads zone, and pushed the
puck across to an unguarded Campbell, who was able to backhand
it in for the go-ahead goal.
Los Phantasmos then weathered a barrage of last-ditch efforts
from the Meatwads, and came out with the win.
GAME NOTES: Los Phantasmos were 0 for 7 on the PP, but 7 for
7 on the PK; the Meatwads out shot Los Phantasmos 35-17; three
other players made their official team debuts in the match:
center Craig “Here Comes The” Sonnenschein, winger
Keith “All” Hales, and winger Cully “A Pack
A Day Keeps My Lungs At Bay” Johnston; Phantasmos Phans,
make sure to check out the astounding acoustics of Bo “Ay
Caramba” Coonce and his mariachi band “Los Cajones
Mas Grandes” this Saturday night on Telemundo! Sabado
Gigante, indeed. Ole.