greg rolnick
writer • promoter • hockey player


SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2005
HNA TIER 5 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. EAGLES

Phantoms 1 -- Eagles 2

WILMETTE, IL – The last time these two teams met, nobody scored until the final minutes of the game. This time, it still took over two periods for anyone to find the back of the twine, but unfortunately for the Phantoms, they came up short, dropping a heartbreaker to the Eagles, 2-1.

For the first time in lord knows how many games, the Phantoms actually had enough players to field two full lines (with a bonus forward thrown in to boot). The seeming abundance of skaters was quite the novelty, and numerous Phantoms commented on the warm fuzzy feeling they got, knowing they wouldn’t have to double, or triple, shift.

In the ying-yang of hockey however, while the Phantoms were up one skater, the game was down one scorekeeper, as the assigned scorer was a no-show. Consequently, one of the two referees worked the booth, while the other worked the game. This lack of an extra set of eyes and ears on the ice would manifest itself with a number of cheap shots and big hits that went unnoticed over the course of the game.

Without the aid of any opposing goons, right wing, Greg “Try A Little Tenderness” Rolnick took an awkward turn on the ice during his first shift and twisted his still-recovering ankle on the way down. He was slow to get up, and managed to skate/limp his way to the bench. The extra attacker came in handy, as Rolnick sat out the next two shifts, alternately cursing the hockey gods and begging them to make his ankle feel better. While the gods seemed to take pity and allow him to play, they exacted revenge by forcing all of his shot attempts either wide or directly into the goalie’s chest.

The first two periods were scoreless, as neither team could solve the other’s netminder. For the Phantoms, AJ “Bone Spur” Brandt kept up his stingy ways between the pipes, smothering shots in front, and flashing a quick glove on any puck that dared try to pick the corner of the net.

The defense corps of Russ “Drop The Gloves, It’s Boxing Day” Thirsk, Jay “Sector 7G” Smith, Scott “Boisterous” Battle, and Tedd “Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em” Vanadilok did an admirable job of neutralizing the Eagles’ offensive attack, as well as provide a few offensive rushes of their own.

The forwards tried to keep up the pressure, but regrettably spent more time in the neutral zone than the Eagles’ end, as they were consistently beaten to the loose pucks. The Eagles also did a nice job of moving the puck around, out-passing the Phantoms by an almost two to one ratio.

The Phantoms had their moments, as forwards Bo “Hit ‘Em Where It” Coonce, James “Ring-A-Ding-Ding” Abella, and John “Always On” Cullis repeatedly crashed the crease and tried to shove in loose pucks.

In the third period, the Eagles scored two identical goals a few minutes apart. On both occasions, the same forward came in low on Brandt’s stick side, almost behind the net. From this obscene angle, he beat the defender and somehow fit the puck between Brandt’s shoulder and the top corner of the net. Twice.

The extra Phantom forward once again came in handy when captain, Mike “Did Anyone Else Just Hear A Loud Pop?” Boyd was sidelined by what was potentially a sprained (or possibly dislocated) shoulder. Dazed, and hallucinating that he was in the Stanley Cup Finals, Boyd kept trying to skate back out onto the ice and tie the game up, while his team urged him to rest and stop his arm from dangling from side to side like the pendulum of a grandfather clock.

Down 2-0, with minutes to go, Battle fed Randy “Bruised Peach” Cochran a beautiful pass in the slot, which he one-timed past the Eagles’ goalie to move the Phantoms within one.

The Phantoms pulled Brandt in the final minute, and frantically tried to even the game. However, as their intensity flared, so did several players’ tempers (on both sides of the ice). When Cochran and Thirsk engaged in a heated discussion with one of the Eagles about his lovely mother and her free time proclivities, push turned to shove, and the referees whistled the game dead with nine seconds left on the clock.

Frustrated, and back at .500, the Phantoms look forward to the holiday break and a chance to regroup and make a playoff charge in the second half of the season.

GAME NOTES: While the Phantoms woeful power play hovers at a 7.7% success rate, the penalty kill has been virtually lights-out, killing off 16 of 17 (94.1%); Brandt currently holds the league’s third best GAA; For all the young fans out there, don’t forget that Phantoms forward, Jeff “I’ll Bend Before I’ll” Blake is giving away FREE Xbox 360’s to the first 100 kids under 18 who call his cell phone on Christmas Day!


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