SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2005
HNA TIER 5 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. TAZ DEVILS
Phantoms 8 -- Taz Devils 0
BENSENVILLE, IL – During the 2004-2005 season, the Phantoms
couldn’t seem to figure out how to beat the Taz Devils.
While the games were always close, and usually decided by a
single goal, they could never get the upper hand. Well, sports
fans, mystery solved.
The Phantoms got off to a slow start in the first period, and
had problems generating offensive rushes. Consequently, the
play was mostly in the neutral zone, or their own end of the
rink. However, once again, the Phantoms’ defensemen picked
up the slack and got things started.
Russell “This Is Gonna Hurt You A Helluva Lot More Than
It’s Gonna Hurt Me” Thirsk took a pass from netminder,
AJ “Brick Wall” Brandt and started to rush up ice.
Thirsk slalomed in and out of awed Taz Devils, who appeared
to be moving in slow motion; captivated by the grace and ease
with which he navigated the puck towards the net. As he moved
down into the lower circle, he let a shot go that was deflected
by the goalie. Fortunately, Thirsk continued to charge the net,
picked up his own rebound and scored. As was later pointed out
by Mr. Thirsk in the locker room, this was the game-winning
goal.
During the course of the game, the Phantoms defense, led by
Brandt, repelled the Taz Devils at every turn, and refused to
allow the puck to go anywhere near the back of the net.
Not content to be overshadowed by the defense, the Phantoms’
forwards exploded in the second period, extending their lead
by seven goals. Yes, that’s right, SEVEN GOALS in the
second period alone.
It went something like this:
Captain Mike “It’s A” Boyd launched a nasty
slapshot that was blocked by the goalie, but not contained.
John “Have You Been Injured In An Accident?” Cullis
crashed in and slammed the loose puck through an approximately
two-inch hole in between the goalie and the post for the goal.
In his first game back from an extended stint on the IR, and
a long rehabilitation period apparently involving copious quantities
of beer and nachos, David “Who’s Your” Deacon
picked up where he left off, as one of the Phantoms’ premiere
power forwards.
Taking the puck behind the net, Deacon quickly came around and
passed a laser through the crease right onto Boyd’s tape.
Boyd then one-timed the puck into the back of the net before
the goalie could react in time.
V “Son, You Gots A Panty On Yo Head” Tongwarin gained
control of the puck in the Phantoms’ zone and hit Greg
“Look Out, He’s On A” Rolnick with a beautiful
breakout pass. Rolnick got behind most of the Taz Devils and
went charging in on net. When the lone defender made a move
towards him, Rolnick tried to quickly cut to the inside. The
puck got knocked loose, but went straight back to James “Crabtacular!”
Abella, who launched a wrist shot into the twine.
In yet another example of the offensive play of the Phantoms’
defense, Jay “I Hear The Penalty Box Is Lovely This Time
Of Year” Smith let loose with a blast from the point that
made its way through traffic for his first goal of the season.
The Phantoms were once again setting up camp in the Taz Devils’
zone, when Abella tried to sneak another wrist shot from the
point. The initial rebound came out to Cullis on the left side
of the net, whose shot was rebuffed by the frantic, almost spastic,
flailing of the goaltender. Rolnick, ever the opportunist, was
not to be denied, however, and corralled the loose puck and
put it top shelf.
Rolnick struck again minutes later. After a faceoff in the Taz
Devils’ zone, Rolnick controlled the puck and swiftly
moved it back to Ron “Check Out My” Axe at the point.
Axe blasted a shot on net, which once again bounced out to Rolnick
on the left side of the crease, and he once again slammed it
home.
The final goal of the game was a mirror image of the third.
This time, Boyd took the puck down low and fired a perfect pass
to Deacon at the top of the crease, who one-timed it in. After
a loooooong absence, it took Deacon and Boyd all of a period
to get their old chemistry back and clicking.
Even though the talk on the bench in between periods centered
on keeping up the intensity and not getting complacent, the
Taz Devils took advantage of some miscues to keep the action
in the Phantoms’ zone. However, the stellar defensive
play of the Phantoms stymied the opposition again and again.
The defensive play of the game came courtesy not of Brandt,
but Scott “Field Of” Battle. Halfway through the
third period, the Taz Devils took a shot that pulled Brandt
to the side of the net. When the rebound came out to the Taz
Devils forward, he had half of the net to shoot at. So he did.
But before anyone could believe what they were seeing, Battle
swooped in, blocked the shot with his stick blade, and took
the puck out of the zone. The crowd went wild, the bench erupted
in cheers, and the Taz Devils realized that this was indeed,
not their night.
It was also not Rolnick’s night. With eight minutes to
play, Rolnick and a Taz Devils forward tried to dig a puck out
of the boards in front of the Phantoms’ bench. Eventually,
the puck went north, Rolnick’s body went south, and his
ankle went east. As his wife watched from the stands in horror,
Rolnick once again hit the ice in pain. This time, however,
he actually managed to inflict some damage in the form of an
ankle sprain and is listed as day-to-day.
But pain is temporary and glory lasts forever. And when the
final buzzer sounded, the Phantoms had routed the Taz Devils
8-0, and brought their record to 3-0-1. Next week, the Phantoms
take on the first place Mutiny (also undefeated) to see who
will sit atop of the standings.
GAME NOTES: Brandt recorded his sixth career shutout and is
currently posting a .948 save percentage, and 1.25 goals against
average; Boyd and Rolnick both had three points (Deacon, Thirsk
and Cullis had two each); the Phantoms defense has only allowed
five goals in four games thus far; game shots were actually
even, at 27 apiece; Dan “Tiger Woods, I Ain’t”
Phillips’ new instructional video, “How to play
golf like the pros, or at least look like you do” will
be released next Tuesday in conjunction with his new EA Sports
video game, “Dan Phillips vs. Arnold Palmer: Deathmatch
2006.” |