greg rolnick
writer • promoter • hockey player


WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2005
HNA TIER 5 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. FIREBLADES

Phantoms 2 -- Fireblades 2

ADDISON, IL – Ladies and gentlemen, the previous evening’s hockey game can be summed up in one word: rematch. Yes, the Phantoms and the Fireblades faced off again for the first time since the HNA Tier 6 Finals to settle the score of who is the better team. The outcome? Well, I guess we’ll have to wait for the rematch.

The Fireblades have gone through some changes during the off-season. With a number of their players leaving for lucrative deals in the UHL, they have recruited a slew of new skaters, easily identifiable by their lack of matching jerseys (which is still legal during Game 2 of the season, but not so much come Game 3 – or so the league says). However, the Phantoms were unconcerned with any personnel changes, and stuck to their game plan of intense offensive pressure and smothering defensive coverage. And if and when that fails, a quick switch to colorful and creative taunting, designed to reduce opposing teams to tears.

The Phantoms, having grown accustomed to playing with less than a full bench, were pleasantly surprised to have fourteen skaters for the game.

Having completed a summer stint with the Phantoms’ farm team, the Gainsville Ghosts, defenseman Mike “Like Falling Off A Zamboni” Steinert rejoined the team for the first time since last season. Also making the game, after missing the season opener, were wings Bo “’Cephus” Coonce, Jeff “QB” Blake, and fly-fishing center, Randy “Peaches” Cochran.

The first period was full of movement, action, and ice shavings, but no goals. Neither team had more than a handful of shots, and there was a great deal of neutral zone play. The Phantoms were unfortunately held scoreless more by an official’s bad call than the Fireblades goalie’s impressive saves.

In the early goings, captain Mike “Root Canal” Boyd appeared to slam home a rebound from the front of the net, which bounced straight back out and into play. The officials, thinking it had hit a post instead, did not signal a goal and play continued. Due to his lack of overt enthusiasm upon scoring, Boyd has been enrolled by his teammates in the Gene Stanislavsky School Of Acting and Mime. He graduates in May and will be holding a recital at the Chicago Theatre on Friday, April 21, 2006 (tickets available soon).

Things got rolling in the second period, when defenseman, Scott “Speak Softly And Carry A One-Piece Stick” Battle went end to end to put the Phantoms on the board. Mystifying Fireblades players with his inhuman puck control, Battle weaved his way through the opposition like a White House official dodging the truth at a Senate judiciary hearing.

The Phantoms tried to pull away early in the third period, as defenseman Russell “Goalies Are Gonna Die Of” Thirsk blasted a shot from just inside the blue line into the back of the net. Although hulking winger, Greg “He Shoots, He Falls” Rolnick attempted to redirect the shot while screening the goalie, he fortunately did not touch the puck.

Phantoms netminder, AJ “Captain Chaos” Brandt, lost his bid for a shutout mid-way through the third period, when the Fireblades’ crafty center roofed a beautiful backhanded shot over his shoulder.

Shortly afterwards, the Phantoms were up in arms over another bad call that cost them their lead. After an apparent offsides violation that was not recognized by the zebras, the Fireblades scored the tying goal on a snapshot from the point that somehow snuck between Brandt’s pads.

Both teams struggled to score the winning goal in regulation, but the clock soon wound down and forced a phrase all passionate fans love to hear: FREE HOCKEY!

The Phantoms again controlled the action in overtime, outshooting the Fireblades 3-2, but were forced to settle for a tie, both in the game, and in the standings with their nemesis. Boyd's pleas for a shootout went ignored by the officials, which simply kept with the underlying "see no evil, call no evil" theme of the evening.

With little time to rest or prepare, the Phantoms will face the Eagles on Sunday, November 6 in Wilmette.

GAME NOTES: The Phantoms successfully killed off three penalties, including one gaffe for too many men, served by a concerned and cross Cochran; while the offense had numerous chances, and the added presence of Dan “I Could Get Used To This” Phillips on right wing, it was the Phantoms’ defense that scored both goals; check out the comedic stylings of defenseman, Jay “Schecky” Smith all next week at Zanies (six-drink minimum).


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