SUNDAY, MARCH 28, 2006
HNA TIER 5 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. ICEMEN
Phantoms 4 -- Icemen 1
BENSENVILLE, IL – The Phantoms and the Icemen have been
playing each other for over two years now, and what was once
a rivalry has become a bit of a one-sided affair. The Icemen
are suffering through their second dismal season, and can’t
seem to find a rhythm to their game. Unfortunately, as the Phantoms
learned from the drubbing they took in the Johnny’s Ice
House league, losing game in and game out takes an emotional
toll.
Consequently, when the Phantoms took control of the game, the
Icemen began to ratchet up their physical play and emotions
ran high. Of course, as was commented post-game, at least many
of the members of Chicago’s finest on the Icemen are not
allowed to carry their firearms during the match.
The Phantoms jumped on the board early in the game, when V “Don’t
Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful” Tongwarin worked
the puck behind the Icemen’s goal to surprise return center,
Randy “Yeah, I’m Back, But If You Call Me Peaches
Again, I’m Outta Here” Cochran. Drawing the defenders
towards him, Cochran rifled a pass to the slot, where opportunistic
winger, Greg “Fleet Feet” Rolnick, one-timed a wrist
shot into the back of the net.
Rolnick struck again towards the end of the first period. Defenseman,
Scott “Orr You Can Call Me Bobby” Battle, moved
the puck deep into the Icemen’s zone, and slid a pass
back to Rolnick at the point. Finally given a chance to unleash
his infamous knuckleball slap shot, Rolnick wound up and let
it fly. Incredibly, the shot waffled through the air and into
the net.
Cochran and team captain, Mike “The Boy Who Cried No Brakes”
Boyd, congratulated Rolnick on his way to the bench, and agreed
that, yes, this was one time where it was okay for him to wind
up before shooting.
The second period was a bit tougher than the first, as the Icemen
started to play better defensively, and the Phantoms mismanaged
several power play opportunities. However, they did add another
tally to the board.
Boyd worked the puck down low and moved it out to Battle who
took a shot on net. The save was made, but the rebound slid
out and ended up on the quick stick of winger, David “Let
There Be A Red Light” Deacon, who wasted no time depositing
the biscuit in the basket, so to speak.
As mentioned earlier, tensions were running high. The Icemen
could feel the game slipping away, and gentle nudges became
shoves, and shoves became crosschecks, and crosschecks became
invitations to unwanted physical contact.
Team instigator, Tedd “Count To Ten” Vanadilok,
was set off by one of the Icemen when he was blocked while trying
to skate to the bench for a line change. The Iceman didn’t
seem to want to let him go, so Vanadilok shoved him nicely and
offered a few kind words of advice [which are unprintable in
this family-friendly publication – the ed.].
Before you could say, “This won’t end well,”
the two players were engaged in a heated physical and verbal
battle, and both received two minute minors. While the team
rolled their collective eyes at Vanadilok’s ending up
in the box yet again, in all fairness, it was actually true
when he cried out, “But he started it!” The boys
were separated, the car started back up, and all remained calm…for
a brief period of time.
At the end of the second period, recently rehabilitated center,
Cochran, got caught up with one of the Icemen on a breakaway,
and went crashing into the end boards. He was slow to get up,
and while the team feared he may have re-aggravated one of his
multiple maladies, he merely wished to take a minute to take
in the lovely view of the overhead lights from an on-ice angle.
Vanadilok redeemed himself in the third period by scoring one
of the fastest goals in team history. The puck was dropped at
center ice to begin the period, and before anyone knew what
was going on (least of all the Icemen’s goalie), Vanadilok
had skated it in and scored. Time on the clock: 14:50.
The Phantoms defense did an outstanding job of shutting down
the Icemen attack, as well as contributing some solid scoring
chances. In addition to Battle’s deadly precision with
the puck on up-ice rushes, Ron “%^&# Tha Police”
Axe and Dan “Can We Wrap This Up? I Need To Hit The Slopes”
Phillips blasted several shots from the point. Meanwhile, Jay
“I’d Be Mad At You If I Wasn’t Laughing So
Hard” Smith refused to back down, and followed up every
body-shaking crease clearing with a pithy one-liner. Sadly,
his humor went unappreciated by the Icemen, and judging from
some of the reactions he elicited, was completely misunderstood.
It must be noted, however, that Smith was told to cater to his
audience’s tastes, to which he replied, “%&*@
that.”
The one defensive lapse on the Phantoms’ behalf allowed
the Icemen’s best skater to go one on one with somewhat
bored goaltender, AJ “It’s Getting Lonely Back Here”
Brandt. While Brandt had denied a few Icemen chances, the lack
of constant pressure must have caused a bit of rust and his
shutout bid disappeared.
Special note must be given to forwards Bo “Dacious”
Coonce and James “I Don’t Need To See Wedding Crashers,
I’m Living It” Abella, who rotated through the two
forward lines, playing wing and center and mucking it up all
along the way with any Icemen who was foolish enough to take
them on. Coonce’s play of the game came when he kept the
puck in the Icemen’s zone while splayed out horizontally
on the ice. Abella’s came when he incredibly managed to
score the digits of the hot bridesmaid in between periods.
At the final buzzer, the Phantoms picked up another two points,
and geared up for their final regular season game this Sunday
against the Fireblades.
GAME NOTES: The Phantoms out shot the Icemen 31-14; The low
point for the Phantoms was their once-again dismal power play
unit, who failed to score, even when they had a 5 on 3 advantage;
The presence of Russ “The Great Retribution” Thirsk,
out for the rest of the season with a knee injury, was sorely
missed; Phantoms phans, don’t forget to enter the “Win
A Bass Fishing Date With Peaches” contest! One lucky winner
will receive an extremely romantic, all-day bass fishing adventure
with the Phantoms’ own, extremely single, Randy “Peaches”
Cochran. Peaches will teach you how to bait a hook, cast a line,
reel one in, and make a tent out of a pair of waders and a 10-foot
pole! It just doesn’t get any more romantic than that,
does it? Don’t wait! Enter now! |