SUNDAY, JANUARY 29, 2006
HNA TIER 5 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. ICEMEN
Phantoms 8 -- Icemen 1
WILMETTE, IL – With an extra forward on each line to keep
legs fresh, the Phantoms looked rejuvenated in their smack-down
of the hapless Icemen. Six different Phantoms scored a goal
during the rout, and unlike their previous match up, tempers
were kept (mostly) in check and penalties were held to a minimum.
In what would turn out to be a career game, defenseman Scott
“The Haberdasher” Battle got the Phantoms on the
board early in the first period. Taking a nice feed from center,
Randy “Slightly Bruised Peaches” Cochran (fresh
off of the IR), Battle launched a shot from the right hash marks
into the top corner of the net.
After completely blowing a power play opportunity, where they
generated zero offense, the Phantoms received another opportunity
towards the end of the first period.
Working the puck around the zone, crafty winger, V “Nine
Iron” Tongwarin moved the puck across the ice to his opposite
winger, Greg “Brain Freeze” Rolnick. Rolnick moved
in towards the net and wristed a shot that bounced off of the
goalie’s chest and back out front. Fighting his way through
two defensemen, Cochran was able to gobble up the rebound and
slip it in for the second goal of the game.
Sadly enough, this was only the second Phantoms power play goal
in 26 chances. Hopefully, a sign of a turnaround, but let’s
not jump the gun here.
The second period saw the Icemen attempt more offensive attacks,
but the stellar Phantoms defense made sure that most of the
shots that made it through were not a threat to goalie, AJ “Dr.
Ace Brando” Brandt.
Defenseman, Russ “In A Big Country” Thirsk and line
mate, Jay “Dear Lord, Please Just Let The Steelers Win
And I’ll Stop Complaining About How Much The Penguins
Suck” Smith made plenty of highlight worthy defensive
moves, and generated their fare share of offense as well.
Halfway into the second period, lively Phantoms center, Tedd
“Yosemite Sam” Vanadilok took control of the puck
in his own end and fed a beautiful breakout pass to Rolnick,
who was streaking up the right wing boards.
Rolnick swung low past the circle, and tried to get the goalie
moving laterally across the crease. His decent attempt at picking
the top corner of the net was blocked, but once again the Icemen’s
netminder did not retain control of the rebound. As Rolnick
thwacked around the ice with his stick trying to force the biscuit
into the net, center Bo “The Boy Who Cried No Brakes”
Coonce came barreling in and slammed home the loose puck.
Shortly after the goal was scored, the Phantoms rushed the offensive
zone again, and Cochran took the biscuit and looped behind the
Icemen’s net. Before the defense could react properly,
Cochran fired a bullet of a pass to resurgent Phantoms winger,
David “Making Up For Lost Time” Deacon, who one-timed
it past the befuddled goalie to put the Phantoms up 4-0.
Coonce wasn’t done contributing yet, as he started off
the third with the same intensity he had brought to the two
previous periods. After crossing the blue line into the Icemen’s
zone and being surrounded by none-too-shy Icemen, Coonce refused
to relinquish the puck. Instead, he pushed through and found
Tongwarin with an open pass.
Taking advantage of the Icemen’s smothering defensive
coverage on Coonce, Tongwarin skated in alone on the goalie.
Getting him to commit faster than it takes a contestant on American
Idol to make a jackass of themselves, Tongwarin avoided
the sprawling goalie and slipped the puck in behind him with
a sweet backhand move.
With Thirsk off for a tripping penalty, the Phantoms penalty
kill decided to get offensive (and that’s not in reference
to the pre-game locker room humor).
Vanadilok intercepted the puck in his own end, and then fed
a pass to defenseman, Ron “Rolnick Can Write What He Wants
Because I Never Read These Things Anyway” Axe, who quickly
moved the puck along to Battle.
Battle rocketed into the Icemen’s zone and slipped through
the defense with the ease of a greased pig at the annual Redneck
Games (where Battle won the Dip n’ Spit contest in 2004
with a record distance of 24 feet). Before anyone could react,
Battle roofed another one for his second goal of the game.
The Icemen broke up Brandt’s shutout attempt soon after.
The Icemen came into the Phantoms’ zone and moved the
puck down low into the corner. As the defense tried to work
the puck free, the Icemen moved it to the slot, where they made
the most of an inadvertent Phantoms screen on Brandt, and scored
by placing the puck just inside of the left post.
The Phantoms answered back, however, when Battle capped his
night on an unassisted, and a bit fluky, play.
Taking the puck behind the net like the Great One, Battle moved
around to the outside and threw the puck across the crease,
looking for his open winger. However, before it could go through,
the puck bounced off of one of the Icemen’s skates and
rebounded in past the goalie. Many hats were thrown in honor
of Battle’s first Phantom hat trick, and the game was
delayed for several minutes, as the ice crews cleared the headgear
and gave both teams a chance to catch their breath and admire
Mr. Battle’s accomplishment.
The final goal of the game was another unfortunate one for the
beleaguered Icemen netminder.
Tongwarin worked the puck to Vanadilok, who launched a slap
shot from the top of the circle. An Icemen defenseman tried
to get in the way of the shot, but accidentally deflected it
off of his stick into the back of the net. As the Phantoms celebrated
this stroke of good fortune, the Icemen’s stressed goalie
let out a sigh that reminded many of Charlie Brown after being
yet again denied by the little redheaded girl.
Next up for the Phantoms (after a slight layoff) is a rematch
against the second place Eagles.
GAME NOTES: Although he didn’t manage to crack the score
sheet, Phantoms captain, Mike “My Car Goes Vroom, Vroom,
Vroom!” Boyd still made his presence known by denting
the goalposts with several shots; Although the Phantoms dominated
the game, the shots on goal were actually even at 29 apiece;
Apologies were made post-game to the woman in the stands wearing
the Icemen jersey with the nameplate, “Ralph’s Mom,”
for denying her son a victory; Star Phantoms center, John “Green
Card? I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Green Card!”
Cullis is excited to announce that he will be arguing a case
before the Supreme Court this summer. In the interest of full
disclosure, the case involves a gender-bending Diana Ross impersonator,
and it’s being held at the 23rd annual Supremes Convention
in Lake Wabasha, MN, but hey, it still sounds impressive if
you don’t ask for specifics (which Cully told us not to
do, so thank the gods for the Smoking Gun). |