WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 18, 2006
HNA TIER 5 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. UNKNOWNS
Phantoms 4 -- Unknowns 1
WILMETTE, IL – The Unknowns blanked the Phantoms 4-0 earlier
in the season, so the time had come to even the score. With
a miraculous bench of eleven skaters, the Phantoms brought an
intensity and energy to the game that had been lacking the last
time these teams met.
Speaking of miraculous, absentee Phantom, David “Results
May Differ” Deacon announced his return to the lineup
by scoring the first goal of the game with a beauty of a wrist
shot from the right slot. Deacon was set up by a nice feed from
Bo “No MSG” Coonce, who took a pass down low from
feisty center, Tedd “Approach With Extreme Caution”
Vanadilok.
In the final seconds of the first period, the Phantoms extended
their lead on a quick offensive rush. Captain Mike “Some
Assembly Required” Boyd slid the biscuit to streaking
center John “Double Dutch” Cullis, whose first shot
was denied, but managed to grab his own rebound and put it in
the back of the net.
The intensity was ratcheted up a notch in the second period,
as both teams started to play with a bit more physicality. While
putting your elbow in your ear may be damn near impossible,
multiple players went out of their way to prove that putting
your elbow in someone else’s ear is actually quite easy.
In the second, Cullis sprung speedy winger Greg “7-10
Split” Rolnick on a breakaway. Coming in at a slight angle,
Rolnick tried to get the goalie moving side to side, and avoid
the oncoming Unknowns player who was attempting to thwart his
shot. Just as the persistent Unknown got his body on Rolnick’s,
the puck was launched on net, and the two players went crashing
into the boards.
Unfortunately, the goalie made the save, and Rolnick misinterpreted
what had just transpired. Thinking he had been illegally, and
maliciously, hauled down, he took a cheap shot at the offending
party, who still lay on the ice. Needless to say, this did not
go over well with the Unknowns. Much screaming ensued, and another
Unknowns player voiced his displeasure by crosschecking Rolnick
into the boards.
Matching penalties were called (thus preventing the Phantoms
from playing a man down), and while Rolnick felt much shame
in the box, he also realized that he had just painted an enormous
bull’s-eye on the back of his jersey.
The Phantoms tacked on another tally to take a 3-0 lead in the
third period. Defenseman, Jay “Whack-A-Mole” Smith
got the puck to Vanadilok, who put in his third goal of the
season.
Things got interesting shortly thereafter, as the Phantoms tried
to protect the shutout, and the Unknowns scrambled to get back
into the game.
There were a number of scoring chances on both sides of the
ice, as the two competing netminders made one impressive save
after another. The physical play continued as well, and tempers
began to boil over.
During the final minutes of the game, in an unfortunately, non-uncharacteristic
display of poor anger management, Vanadilok got into it with
one of the Unknowns, and was given two minutes for slashing.
Not content to let this transgression pass without vigorous
debate, Vanadilok offered up his opinion on the opposing player’s
personal life, and even managed to piss off both officials.
Before duct tape could be applied to Vanadilok’s mouth,
he was given an additional two minutes, which would need to
be served by another Phantom.
Ron “I’m Not Going To Pay A Lot For This Muffler”
Axe had played a fantastic game up to this point, but was starting
to feel the effects of age, and possibly a voodoo curse. He
gamely agreed to serve along with Vanadilok, and the Phantoms
prepared to try and kill off the Unknowns power play opportunity.
The chaos surrounding the calling of the penalty had regrettably
thrown the Phantoms off of their game, and the PK unit was in
disarray at the drop of the puck. Defenseman, Dan “Three
Easy Payments” Phillips careened around the back of the
net after a loose puck, but inadvertently collided with Russ
“Receipt? Yes/No” Thirsk just left of the crease.
The puck was quickly moved to the point, and before a body could
be thrown in front of it, one of the Unknowns had launched it
past a screened AJ “%*&^$#@!”Brandt and into
the back of the net.
Brandt, in a rage, bellowed at a crimson-cheeked Vanadilok that
if he’d like to play between the pipes, he was more than
welcome to.
Hoping to build off of their momentum and close the scoring
gap, the Unknowns pulled their goalie in the final minute of
play.
Since the only way Rolnick was gonna score during this game
was if the Unknowns’ goalie was on the bench, Coonce took
pity and bounced a pass out of the Phantoms’ zone to Rolnick,
who raced towards the empty net and scored his team-leading
seventh goal of the season.
“Well, it was a bit cheap, but I’ll take ‘em
wherever I can get ‘em at this point,” commented
Rolnick at the post-game press conference.
When the final buzzer sounded shortly thereafter, the Phantoms
celebrated their 4-1 win, and solidified their third place spot
in the standings.
Up next is a game against the Blackbears, who play one tier
above the Phantoms. Will the good guys be able to rise to the
challenge? See for yourself at the Edge’s Jefferson East
rink this Sunday at 8:30pm in Bensenville, IL (plenty of good
seats remain – bring the kids!).
GAME NOTES: Since near-misses don’t count, the Phantoms
were outshot by the Unknowns 33-23; The Phantoms’ once
near-invulnerable PK unit is starting to show signs of weakness,
hopefully something that can be remedied ASAP; Coming off of
a two point game against the Icemen, V “Bite Size Pieces”
Tongwarin was held in check by the Unknowns. His personal guru,
Swami Bahareesha Bishnanu has assured the team, however, that
his chakras will be in perfect alignment for the next game;
Phantoms fans, don’t forget to tune into the Public Access
channel this coming Tuesday night at 2:30am for Russ Thirsk’s
new show, “You and your W-2: A love that dare not speak
its name.” Thirsk will take your calls about how to get
creative with your tax returns this year without being hassled
by “the man.” Riveting stuff, truly. |