SUNDAY, JANUARY 8, 2006
HNA TIER 5 FALL/WINTER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. ICEMEN
Phantoms 5 -- Icemen 3
WILMETTE, IL – While this was the first meeting between
the Phantoms and the Icemen this season, the teams are anything
but strangers. Having both been through the HNA beginner school
at the same time, the two squads have met on the ice numerous
times (once even arranging a non-sanctioned game at a neutral
rink). Although the Icemen appeared to have the Phantoms’
number during their inaugural season, the Phantoms have dominated
the Icemen ever since. Consistency can breed complacency, however,
as well as a bit of enmity.
After a few minutes of back and forth play, the Phantoms’
offensive-minded defenseman, Russ “The Hammer” Thirsk
took control of the puck down low. He then proceeded to skate
through several Icemen in the neutral zone, before crossing
the blue line and unleashing a blistering slap shot which beat
the goalie high on the glove side.
Not long after, Thirsk collided with one of the Icemen as they
both went for the puck near the side boards. In a misguided
act of retribution, one of the Icemen waited two more shifts
before trying to run in and charge Thirsk in the Phantoms’
zone. Instead of standing him up and sprawling him out across
the ice, Thirsk generously side-stepped the charging forward.
However, a disgruntled and angry tone was set that would flare
up throughout the rest of the game.
The Phantoms doubled their lead in the first when the CCR line
of Greg “Born In The Suburban Bayou” Rolnick, Randy
“I Put A Spell On You To Stop Calling Me Peaches”
Cochran, and John “You’re Fortunate, Son, That I
Didn’t Decide To Pursue Legal Action” Cullis orchestrated
a beautiful tic-tac-toe play ending with a Cullis goal.
Although Cochran set up Cullis again later in the period, the
Icemen got on the board as well. After taking control of a faceoff
in the Phantoms’ zone, the Icemen managed to screen AJ
“Officer, I Was Nowhere Near That Zamboni” Brandt
and slip one in five-hole.
Phantoms forward Bo “Who Me?” Coonce cooled off
a bit, after a fantastic string of strong performances leading
up to the winter game break. Struggling to get his timing back,
Coonce drew a too many men penalty in the first, and found himself
offsides on several occasions. To his credit, the Phantoms actually
had more than six forwards show up for a game, thus forcing
Coonce to cycle through both lines, playing both wing and center.
Luckily, the team’s sports psychologist has assured everyone
that he will be fine and ready to go in next week’s game
against the Unknowns. Unfortunately, due to a hypnotic therapy
session gone horribly awry, he will think he’s an agitated
moose if he hears the phrase, “Bo, it’s your shift.”
The Phantoms took control again in the second period, when the
defense, led by Scott “Bullhorn” Battle, Ron “Shut
Yo’ Mouth” Axe, and Jay “What, I Didn’t
Touch The Guy” Smith, consistently stole opportunities
away from the Icemen and sprung the Phantoms forwards on the
attack.
The Phantoms scored twice, as Rolnick managed to make good on
his second breakaway chance of the game, and V “Buzzer
Beater” Tongwarin, shoved in the Phantoms’ fifth
and final goal during a furious scrum in front of the net. The
period ended mere moments after the puck slid across the goal
line, and only served to ratchet up the tension in the arena.
The third period was a reverse of the second. Even though the
Phantoms outshot the Icemen 15-6, they couldn’t catch
a break. Conversely, the Icemen struck twice.
The Icemen’s second goal came when one of their forwards
sprung free at the top of the zone, swung down towards the corner,
and then made a beeline for the side of the net. A quick wrist
shot beat Brandt on the near post to make the score 5-2.
In the final minute of the game, with the Phantoms on the penalty
kill, a defensive lapse allowed the Icemen to take around 36
swipes at a loose puck in the crease, finally managing to slip
it behind an agitated Brandt.
However, to understand why the Phantoms were on the PK, you
need to backtrack just a little bit.
All of the tension that had been brewing throughout the game
came to a head in the third period. Both teams started to play
with a bit more aggression, and not so gentle nudges in the
corner were reciprocated evenly. The referees had failed to
call many penalties early on in the game and set a tone, but
made up for it in the third, when penalties were being called
like the slutty girl two days before prom.
The final minutes of the game consisted of a number of five
on four and four on three situations, as players streamed in
and out of the penalty box. Phantoms center, Tedd “Serenity
Now” Vanadilok lost his cool with an irritating Iceman,
and was rung up for a two minute roughing penalty. He managed
to garner an extra two minutes by explaining his views on interspecies
intercourse to the closest Icemen, as well as a nearby Zebra.
He was joined shortly thereafter by Cochran, who took two for
tripping.
Amidst all of the chaos, the Phantoms kept peppering the Icemen’s
goalie with shots, but to no avail.
Mercifully, the final buzzer sounded and the Phantoms climbed
back up over .500 and solidified their third place spot in the
standings.
Considering that many of the Icemen are Chicago Police officers,
the Phantoms were admittedly a bit nervous to get out into the
parking lot after the game – just in case someone decided
to get generous with the parking tickets or tow truck.
GAME NOTES: The Phantoms PK scoreless streak came to an end,
but they still post an impressive 90.9% rating when playing
a man down; The Phantoms outshot the Icemen 38-18; James “I
Hope I Remembered To Feed The Meter” Abella played a quiet,
but effective game, refusing to get lured into any of the on-ice
shenanigans, and instead concentrated on quality shifts; Cullis
had a four point game (2 goals, 2 assists) and leads the team
in scoring; Sidelined with a sore shoulder, team captain Mike
“What If I Just Play One-Handed?” Boyd coached and
ran his record behind the bench to 1-0. His new book, “The
Boyd Method: How to Play, Coach, and Succeed in Real Estate”
will be available from Bantam Books this Spring. |