greg rolnick
writer • promoter • hockey player


WEDNESDAY, MAY 12, 2004 • HNA BEGINNER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. COBRAS

Cobras 4 – Phantoms 3

ADDISON, IL – Although Greg “Dayenu” Rolnick came through on last week’s vow to register at least two points against the Cobras, it wasn’t enough for the win. Frustrating as it may have been, the night was still a milestone in Rolnick’s budding ice hockey career.

Upon entering the locker room to get ready for the evening’s game, Rolnick and Phantoms netminder, AJ “M, W, Goalie seeks new nationality and chance for ice time in Turin 2006” Brandt, made a startling discovery. Lying abandoned on a bench was an autographed picture of Gino Cavallini of the Quebec Nordiques. Such an oddity could only mean one thing: a new talisman of good luck for the team/hockey superstition for Rolnick to embrace. After dressing for the game, Rolnick made sure to touch the photograph on his way out to the ice.

The game started off well, as the Phantoms played with an extra jump in their step and kept the attack in the Cobras’ zone. But few teams are as opportunistic as the Cobras, and a slapshot from the top of the slot ricocheted off of one of the Phantoms’ sticks and past Brandt into the back of the net. Minutes later, the Cobras broke free and caught Brandt in No Man’s Land, as he tried to clear out the puck. The Cobras’ winger wristed a shot that bounced off of the inside of Brandt’s leg and put them up 2-0.

With three minutes to go in the period, Rolnick saw his opening. Taking control of a misplayed pass, he rocketed past the red line and towards the Cobras’ net. As he broke in, Rolnick felt the puck start to slide off of his stick ahead of him and almost began to panic. However, instead or reliving the horrors of foiled breakaways gone by, Rolnick sucked in some air and wondered: What would Gino Cavallini do? Reaching his stick out with one hand, Rolnick corralled the puck back onto his blade, and leaning to his left, lifted a wrist shot above the goalie’s shoulder for a goal.

Early in the second period, Rolnick made the most of another Cobras miscue. After a faceoff in the Phantoms’ zone, the Cobras’ center drew the puck back to their left defenseman. Rolnick, charging directly towards said defenseman, intercepted the pass and went flying towards the Cobras’ zone. Managing to shake off the Cobra who was trying to lodge his stick blade in his ribs, Rolnick again lifted a wrist shot over the Cobras’ goalie for his second goal, thus tying the game at two.

The Phantoms’ joy was short lived, as the Cobras pulled ahead again a few minutes later. The Cobras’ left wing fired a hard shot on net that Brandt apparently glove-saved. However, the puck regrettably managed to slip out of his glove and trickle in.

Things proceeded to grow worse for the Phantoms following a scrum in front of their net. After the whistle was blown to stop the play, a Cobras forward took an extra smack at the puck, which was trapped on the ice by a sprawled out Brandt. Phantoms alternate captain, star defenseman, and possible member of the Soprano family, Tedd Vanadilok took offense, and ignoring his anger management training, crosschecked the offending Cobra to the ice from behind. He was immediately sent to the penalty box, where he was given two-minutes for the crosscheck and ten minutes for misconduct. Needless to say, he felt much shame.

The Phantoms penalty kill units kept the Cobras scoreless, and once the initial two minutes were up and they were back at full-strength, went on the attack. Deep in the Cobras’ zone, Rolnick took control of the puck and backhanded a shot on net. Thinking he was setting up his winger who was in the crease, Rolnick was shocked to see the referee’s arm go up, indicating a goal. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the score was tied at three and Rolnick had recorded the first official hat trick of his ice hockey career! Unfortunately, due to the warm temperatures outside, there was a decided lack of headgear thrown onto the ice.

Rolnick was foiled in his attempt for a fourth goal late in the period. As he hurtled in alone across the blue line, one of the Cobras’ defensemen reached his arm around Rolnick’s waist and hauled him down like a crazed parent trying to get the last Malibu Stacey doll the night before Christmas at Toys R Us. A penalty was called, but not the penalty shot Rolnick so desperately wanted to take.

The third period was dominated by the Phantoms, who kept the pressure on, but couldn’t get the puck to go in. Once again making the most of a Phantoms’ defensive mistake, the Cobras charged in on a two on none. Brandt valiantly tried to poke check the puck away, but the winger slipped around him and scored the go-ahead goal.

There were plenty of penalties called on the Cobras in the third period, and the Phantoms had numerous near misses, but no goals. With 1:18 to go in the game, and a faceoff coming in the Cobras’ zone, the Phantoms called a timeout and pulled Brandt for the extra attacker. Although they again had a multitude of chances, the Phantoms failed to score and came up empty at the final buzzer.

Finishing the regular season with a 2-6 record, the Phantoms go into the first round of the playoffs as the #3 seed, facing the Icemen (#2 seed) this Sunday for a chance to play the Cobras (you guessed it, #1 seed) on Wednesday, May 19 for the championship.

Next Game: Sunday, May 16 @ 5:00pm in Addison vs. the Icemen

GAME NOTES: The Phantoms have a mere four days to start growing their playoff beards. Some of the Asian Phantoms have raised doubts as to the quality of their facial hair growth in such a short period of time…Rolnick finished the regular season as the Phantoms’ leading scorer, with six goals and four assists…The referee with a penchant for photography-minded women who work at travel Web sites left all of the penalty calls to his officiating partner, prompting Brandt’s pregnant spouse to wonder if he would “call anything besides Rolnick’s wife.”

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