greg rolnick
writer • promoter • hockey player


FRIDAY, APRIL 30, 2004 • HNA BEGINNER LEAGUE
PHANTOMS vs. COBRAS

Phantoms 3 – Cobras 4

WILMETTE, IL – The pre-game mood in the Phantoms’ locker room was upbeat, as they applied freshly printed stickers to their helmets and visualized strategies for revenge against the Cobras. During the skate around, one of the referees (who has a thing for a certain Mary-Jo Rolnick) even volunteered to take a few action shots of her husband out on the ice.

The game got ugly early when Phantoms’ goalie, AJ “Codename: Lancelot” Brandt, came out of the crease to clear a puck up ice. The Cobras’ charging right wing was able to smack the puck down out of the air, and tried to launch a shot on net while Brandt scrambled to get back into position. Although the attempt went wide, a scrum quickly broke out in front of the crease, and just when it looked like the Phantoms would regain control, the biscuit unfortunately ended up in the basket. The rest of the period saw penalties on both sides, but no more goals.

During the second period, the Phantoms decided to take control of the game. Deep in the Cobras’ zone, the puck was passed around until it ended up on the stick of defenseman Dan Phillips (possessor of the most potent Phantoms slapshot). The blur of vulcanized rubber was in the back of the net faster than Rush Limbaugh ingesting a fistful of OxyContin, and caused the same sense of elation all along the Phantoms’ bench.

Minutes later, the Phantoms began circling the Cobras’ zone. Right wing, Greg “Kool Moe G” Rolnick ended up on the left side of the net along the boards, stick handling the puck and looking for an opening. Deciding to try and create a rebound, he threw a shot towards the front of the crease that ended up ricocheting off of a Cobras defenseman and into the back of the net for his second goal of the season.

Towards the end of the second period, perplexed Phantoms fans watched Brandt move out of the way of an oncoming shot like an experienced matador. While the Cobras began celebrating what they thought was the tying goal, Brandt confirmed with the referees that the shooter was indeed offsides. As both the shot and the goal were nullified, the Phantoms managed to keep the Cobras from recording a single shot on goal during the second period.

Heading into the third with a 2-1 lead, the Phantoms were feeling optimistic and maybe a tad bit over-confident. This was swiftly erased when the Cobras tied the game with a quick shot off of a faceoff in the Phantoms’ zone, and then pulled ahead again with a slapshot from the point that bounced in off of Brandt’s toe.

A few plays later, Rolnick put the puck between the legs of a Cobras defenseman in the Phantoms’ zone and took off like a rocket for the opposite goal. Pushing the puck ahead of him, Rolnick was a good three or four strides in front of the nearest player and began to formulate in his head how he would shake down the Cobras’ goalie. In a moment of horrendous hockey horror, he began to over skate the puck. An attempt to kick it back in front of him with his left foot failed, and Rolnick screamed something that rhymed with “duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck” while curling back to see the puck head the wrong way across the red line.

The Phantoms continued to fall apart during a five on three power play advantage, when a misplayed pass was taken in for a Cobras shorthanded goal, putting them down 4-2.

With a minute to go in the game, and Brandt pulled for an extra attacker, Rolnick managed to slip a backhanded shot under the Cobras’ goalie and pull the Phantoms within one. Unfortunately, the blown breakaway would come back to haunt Rolnick as time ran out and the Phantoms came up empty.

The post-game press conference was exceptionally brief, as the Phantoms refused to talk to the assembled members of the media and instead began preparing themselves for the last part of the season.

Next Game: Thursday, May 6 @ 10:30pm in Addison vs. the Icemen

GAME NOTES: With two games left in the regular season, the Phantoms need to win both in order to finish with a .500 record…The Greg Rolnick Bobblehead Night promotion was cancelled due to a batch of defective dolls who declined to bobble…Thursday’s game against the Icemen is life-size AJ Brandt Kids Poster Night (“Hey kids, grow up to be as big as AJ!”).

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